Chapter 1 ♥
“Hello?” I said answering a call from an unfamiliar number. A voice replied “Hey what’s up, how are you? This is A.J.” A phone call that would change my life forever. He was calling to ask if I would do a show, with him and his hip hop group “MMF”(Million Mother Fuckers). I had sung a song in the past with them, and they were doing their first public show in a little skanky tavern called the Evelyn back in my home town. Unfortunately I was unable to make it due to my lack of income. From that point on he continued to call. Andrew Jacob Todd…. was sweeping me off my feet over the phone. This boy, this man, talked to me in a way that changed my mind about what love and life could be. When his number showed up on the caller i.d. my heart would start to race and what we would talk about took my mind into space and beyond. When I hear his voice I get butterflies and my cheeks become exhausted from smiling. I know that on the other end of the phone is a strong, beautiful person. And for whatever reason he was interested in my life and me…in general.
For at least a week we spoke daily, and for 3 days I did not hear from him. He has a gypsy soul and bounces around a lot, and does not have a cell so, hearing from him is sometimes sporadic. I began to let my mind wander into a darker place; for I know nothing about him and how could I be sure if this man wasn’t out to hurt me. Finally, he called and apologized for how long it had been since I had heard his voice. “I’m such a fool.” I thought to myself, for allowing such horrible thoughts to come into my head. He had never given me any reason to believe he was a bad person. But because of my past I now walk like I’m moving on broken glass, taking caution in my every action. Plus, he has no obligation to me, although with the conversations we had been having, I couldn’t get the idea of him being mine to disappear. As time went on the conversations became longer and more in depth. We talked about everything from chips to o-zone gas, he was so intriguing and I dreaded the goodbyes. I began to lay in bed for hours after the call ended, dreaming with my eyes open, thinking of what could be. I know what you’re thinking, we are so young, too young and to be falling so hard for someone over the phone, how ridiculous. But if I could do a recap of our conversations…you would be falling in love too.
There is one thing…one terrible thing about him. Something I cannot change or control. He lives a thousand miles away from me. California, ugh! Why me? Why right now? Why did he have to call and be so sweet and amazing? Is this a test? Yes! I believe it is. God is testing my ability to be strong and God, is also giving us both time to heal, so I guess it is a blessing and a test. He was in Washington for the show and to write more music. Unfortunately this was not by choice, his girlfriend at the time had kicked him and his little brother out onto the streets, for what reason I am not sure. But I am glad she did, if that didn’t happen you wouldn’t be reading this story. After 4 weeks of mind boggling words being exchanged, I heard the best ones yet. “I’m coming to see you, I’ll hitchhike if I have to! I’m due for an adventure.” he said with such enthusiasm. “WOW!” I couldn’t believe it, he is driving over 400 miles to come see me, Logan Dagney Pedersen. A girl who has never been worthy enough to love let alone drive to Chewelah, Wa to see. Those 5 days it took for him to be on his way were painful… I felt anxious, and scared. What if he got all the way over here and decided I was not something he wanted; and again the ugly idea of him hurting me. I had to sit myself down and just breathe…numerous times throughout the week. The phone calls kept coming, along with the loving and caring words, such as “It’s so refreshing to hear your voice.” And it was those words that reassured me there was nothing to be afraid of.
That week I continued to fall deeper and deeper. I started to get over excited, just to know I could touch him, see him, and feel him breathe put me in a whirlwind of emotions. I was beside myself, more clumsy than usual, unable to keep my mind on anything but him. On edge when he called hoping I would hear “I am on my way.” It was a Wednesday and I had been working my butt off trying to find a job. I was in the shower when I heard the phone ring and I about lost my footing trying to get out. Scrambling out of the shower my body still dripping wet and soapy, I ran to grab the phone but the answering machine beat me to it. It was Doug, the owner of a little restaurant called Zip’s in Colville, a job offer. I let him finish his message as I dried off and cleaned up my trail of water and soap I had spread throughout the house. I then promptly called back to tell him “I except!!!!” At this point I was so excited about all the good things coming my way that I put on my makeup, twisted flowers all over into my hair and put on my favorite sundress. Into my car, music blasting I drove to my mom’s work to tell her the news. She was ecstatic! As I knew she would be and I told her I was going to the lake to lay in the sun and enjoy myself. She told me that she had to go west of the mountains to take care of some business, which meant I had the house to myself! Perfect! For all I wanted to do was dance around with joy and listen to my music way too loud.
After I attempted to lay in the sun, I decided to call my friends to come join in celebrating my new job because sitting still was just not an option. We all met at the Institute d’ Art where I had been working under the table for a temporary job. We were all standing outside when…my phone rang. Shivers shot down my spine before I even answered and heard his voice. “Hey you.” I said in my most seductive voice. “I have some really good news for you. We will be leaving sometime tonight.” He said, I could hear the excitement in his voice and I’m pretty sure he could sense mine. We talked for awhile discussing their plans. He was driving over with his friend Terry and they would be arriving at Terry’s parents very early Thursday morning. The call ended and the jumping around like a twitterpaited Bambi began, jumping from foot to foot laughing and screaming like a child on Christmas, I had totally lost control of my body and I began to feel him take me over. I couldn’t wait to have in my arms, and I couldn’t wait to climb into his heart.
My friends and I drove like a convoy out to my house. I felt drunk, unable to focus on my driving, going too fast and occasionally swerving. I had never felt like this before, A.J. was unlike anything I had ever experienced, like seeing your first 3D movie…but way better. We pulled into my house and I jumped out of my car, my hands shaking trying to find the right key to open the door. I ran to the answering machine praying for that little red light to be blinking, and it wasn’t. When I talked to him earlier I asked him to call me when he left so I would know what his timing would be like. I went to the bathroom to splash cold water onto my face; but I was unable to bring myself back to real life. I was starting to feel like a princess from a fairytale story. I sat there in the mirror and looked at my face wet with water, my makeup now smeared. And all I could do was hope that I would be the woman of his dreams, like he had said so many times before. I removed my makeup and put back my hair. Then I changed out of my dress into some old blue jeans and a stained t-shirt. I went and gathered up my boys Denny, Joey, and Tyler and began the grand tour of our beautiful 20 acres. This only took about 30 minutes and I was still so consumed with Andrew it was hard for me to pay attention to my friends. Twirling a piece of grass between my fingers we walked back through the fields up to the house. I told the boys to pick out a movie as I again checked the machine, turned on some music and started dinner.
Everyone sat in the living room telling stories and laughing at each other, while I was in the kitchen trying to remember how to make a sandwich. I served them all a tuna fish with cucumber, red onion, lettuce and cheese on 9 grain bread. I stood in the kitchen staring off into nothing, nibbling on my half of a sandwich. I cleaned up dinner and sat down to watch “Van Wilder”. Half way through the movie the phone rang and it was already in my hand, thumb on the answer button. I grabbed a smoke and excused myself outside to the porch. Sitting down I took a deep breath and lit my cigarette. “Hi.” I said trying not to sound like for the past 3 hours all I was doing was staring at my phone waiting for it to light up. “We are in Sedro Woolley filling up, then we will be on our way. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face.” I started to blush, smiling from ear to ear. Taking a drag from my cigarette I said “Hurry up and get here I need to hold you… wait…don’t hurry, drive carefully please.” We both laugh. I told him to call me and give me an update on his travels. “I’ll talk to you soon.” I said almost whispering, wishing I could just be on the phone with him the whole time. “Yes you will.” He said softly, easing my mind with his words.
I hung up the phone, trying to decide whether or not to smile or frown because I was excited but, the second the call ended I missed his voice. It’s strange you know, me and A.J. hardly knew each other. I mean yeah….we did the music together and I had known him from high school because I was younger and he teased me. But we were never close friends. And that first day he called, something in his voice was so inviting and his charm was irresistible. I couldn’t help but let my body become warm and my mind to be free. That happened every time we spoke; he has a way with making me feel like a child. So innocent, carefree, fun, full of love and life, I felt like floating. So what I’m getting at is… it’s weird to me the feelings I have for someone I have been talking to for no more than maybe….4 weeks. I’m not mad at it I just don’t know what to do with it. There have been plenty of times in my life when I thought (key word thought) that I was in love, but it was nothing more than lust and infatuation. Something about the way he was making me feel put thoughts of us falling in love into my heart.
Taking my last drag from my cigarette savoring the feeling of relief it gives me I put it out and went back inside to finish up the movie. I sat back down on the couch next to Denny, he looked at me and like a little girl I just started to giggle and explained that it was A.J. on the phone and he was on his way. Sitting there on the couch looking at the T.V. but not watching it; I had to do something to entertain my mind. So into my room I went rummaging for something that sparked my interest. I grabbed my sketch book, a bag full of markers, colored pencils, and crayons, and my acrylic paints. I organized my little art station and sat down and let my mind take control of my hands to create a picture. IMPOSSIBLE!!!! “This is not working!” I thought to myself. What was coming out on to the paper was not appealing to my eyes. At this point nothing that compared to the way he was making me feel. The movie ended and Tyler left for the night. I was still feeling very ancy, so I told Joey and Denny to bundle up cause we were going to go look at some stars! I thought maybe looking out into space could relax my mind and make me feel him. So for about an hour we sat in the grass and talked about astrology…or what we knew of it. And it did make me feel him, for he was always talking about possibilities in space. I felt better, but while we were star gazing I missed a call from him. Just my freakin luck!
We put in another movie and I just let myself go into lala land. I couldn’t help it because I knew every minute that passed, that felt like an hour, he was getting closer. It felt like there were millions upon millions of butterflies fluttering around in my belly. My heart, o my heart was pounding out of my chest and all I had been doing was sitting on my ass for going on 4 hours stuffing my face full of popcorn trying to replace the butterflies with food. The boys were getting tired and I became exhausted and could no longer stay awake. So we cleaned up and I put them to bed. I went into my room my dog George hopped up on the bed and curled up on his sheepskin. I turned to the mirror thinking of Andrew. I got undressed and let down my hair. Standing there in my underwear I turned my back to the mirror, looking over my shoulder I put my hands below the cheeks of my butt, running my hands over it bringing them up to my waist, observing my tattoo on my lower back. I turned back around to look at the front of my body, I placed my fingertips between my hip bones and my abdominal muscles pressing until my abs became tense. I ran my hands up my stomach until they met the bottom of my breasts, slowly and gently I adjusted the jewels that have been placed through my nipples. I grabbed my lotion and put a small amount into my hand. I rubbed it into my sun kissed chest and shoulders. Gave myself a once over, his eyes and smile still in my mind. Then shut off the light and crawled into bed.
In the morning I woke up way earlier than I wanted. So I went out into the living room where I found Denny sleeping on the hard wood I told him to go lay in my bed, since I obviously was not going back to sleep. I finished cleaning up our celebration mess, and then started a pot of coffee. Denny came out and put in a movie; and I invited him to a cup of jo then put myself on the couch to enjoy the morning, remembering Andrew’s words “Wake up slow.” I wanted so bad to call him but I knew they got in late because he left me a message on my cell at 4:30 a.m. saying they made it safely. So I patiently waited on the couch for him to call. Well, patience has never really been my thing so after Joey woke up and my services were no longer needed I hoped in the shower. Knowing he was only 30 miles away was driving me insane, I had to see him. God, writing all this down is making me realize just how crazy for him I really am. Huh….Strange. After I got out of the shower, getting ready and packing commenced, and what a circus that was…I can only imagine what the boys were thinking watching me run around the house like a wild animal.
The phone rang and it was him…if nobody was at my house I probably would have screamed at the top of my lungs with excitement and even though I didn’t I still had to catch my breath to answer the phone. He told me about their drive and about wore out they were. Then he attempted to give me directions to Terry’s parents. I drove Denny and Joey home and tried to get a hold of A.J., but it was useless. He told me Terry’s parents live on Cozy Nook so off I went with my gas light on trying to find a house I have never been to. I think I drove up and down that road 3 or 4 times unable to find my destination. Finally, when I was sure I was just about out of gas I saw him, and for a second I’m pretty sure my heart actually stopped beating and the explosion of butterflies pushed my stomach up into my throat. I pulled into a driveway to turn around and sat in the middle of the road trying to see if it was really him. It was all confirmed when I saw the Seahawks sticker on the back of his sleek, dark grey Nissan.
I pulled in to the driveway and shut off my car. I sat there and starred at his silhouette inside of his vehicle, he was on the phone so once again I had to practice patience. I sat there for what felt like a lifetime and I began to shake like I had just drank a couple pots of coffee and my body started to sweat. I could feel him more than ever and he was literally close enough that I could jump out and grab him. The suspense was worse than watching a thriller…then, he moved….o god, he put down the phone….o my gosh, he getting out of the car. At this point my heart is not even racing it is unlike anything I have ever felt, time was moving in super slow motion. I got out of my car and started walking in his direction. I thought to myself “for the love of god, don’t trip and fall.” The world fell silent and it was just him and I. We came together just stood there appreciating each others presence, until he grabbed me. Holding him was the greatest feeling ever, he had been winning my heart over for the past month and when he grabbed me he crossed the finish line. God! I cannot tell you all the thoughts and emotions that were surging through my body. He grabbed my hips and pushed us apart gently. Staring straight into my eyes, which I must admit was slightly intimidating. I grabbed him again and held him tight close to my body resting my head onto his chest where I could hear his heartbeat. He was so calm and collected and sexy…AHHHHH he is here!!! I didn’t know what to say or what to do, so when all else fails… I asked him for a cigarette. As we stood there, in silence sharing his cigarette, we just stared at each other saying absolutely nothing. This moment became more and more unreal to me as time went on. Terry walked over and kind of broke the ice; I walked up and introduced myself observing the kindness in his eyes.
The three of us decided to go get something to eat: Mexican. We got into his car and he immediately adjusted his mirror to where we could see each other. It had only been 15 minutes and already my jaw was sore from the amount of smiling I was doing. For the half an hour it took to get to the restaurant our eyes were locked, having a conversation but there were no words. The radio in the background, making me feel as if I was in a movie When we got there, we chose a booth and I slid in first and he right after me. I felt like I was on my first date so nervous and fidgety, I got up right after we sat down to go to the bathroom, again the feelings he gives me were leaving me restless. Once I got to the bathroom I went in the stall and locked it, leaning against the door and I could feel the coolness of it on my back. Holding my stomach and trying to calm myself down I decided hiding in the stall was not doing anything for me; so I let myself out and walked to the sink to wash my hands which were clammy and hot. I stood there and looked in the mirror adjusting my shirt and fixing my hair. Walking back out to our table I tried to act cool and collected, which I’m not so good at. He stood up with a smile in his eyes and said “After you.” Gesturing me to the booth with his hands and arms out, bringing his body to a lower level. Sitting next to him was almost difficult to me, I felt like I should have been chained down to avoid floating away like a helium filled balloon. My heart was still doing its thing, until he reached over and rested his hand on the top of my leg and squeezed. My heart rate going back down to normal I looked up into his eyes and smiled, and it was at that moment, him being next to me was real.
As we sat there all getting to know each other, I started to have selfish thoughts I wanted to have him to myself. This long, having nothing but conversations on the phone, I wanted to lay next to him and feel him breathing in my ear, our bodies naked and wet. The way he was looking at me was only encouraging the ideas of passionate embrace. We finished our meal and Terry, bless his heart grabbed the check. A.J. and I went outside to wait for him, standing on the road on the driver’s side, cars racing by he grabbed me. My heart began to flutter…again. His hands on the small of my back slowly traveled down on to my butt. I pulled my head back, eyes squinting with a playful smile on my face. I looked at his beautiful full lips, outlined by light facial hair. Looking back into his eyes, he pressed our bodies together and we kissed. People say that they see fireworks when they kiss that special person, and I’ve never understood that until now. Although, I think they have it slightly twisted. You feel the fireworks, your bodies working together like a machine. It is at that moment when you feel that instant connection, you know that person is going to really mean something to you and be a big part of your life. At least that is how I felt. From that point on every time we kissed it felt that way, actually to be quite honest every time we kissed the fireworks intensified, booming inside of my body like the faunally on the 4th of July. The machine our bodies and minds created became stronger and faster roaring between our spirits like a hot rod engine.
To entertain ourselves that night we decided to grab a couple fifths of liquor. A bottle of rum…and a bottle of gin. I’m still debating on whether or not that was a good idea. For I had promises I made to myself and after a couple strong drinks…they were gone. We all started to loosen up, letting the alcohol free our minds. Singing, dancing, and laughing we all began to have a good time with one another telling stories of our childhood and all the trouble we use to cause. I was really starting to feel a good buzz which was good because for the next hour A.J. and myself laid in a field that was dewy and cold, so I am glad that I thought I was warm and it helped with my stage fright when I began to sing to him . I wish I could give you a play by play of how that night went but this is based on a true story so I am going to be truthful and tell you that…well I just don’t remember everything. I do remember part of the night, after our serenading session, we spent some time on benches outside of the trailer we were camping in, having some serious conversations and chain smoking. God, I don’t think I should drink I miss out on a lot when that happens but also if I didn’t some of the greatest times I have had in my life would be nonexistent.
That night I told him that I would not have sex with him because there have been too many occasions where sex was the only thing people wanted out of me and if he was in it for me then he would wait, and waiting meant a lot because our next meeting would not be for a long time, I wanted to be sure I actually was worth something to him. He was more than ok with that which showed me he respected my wishes. Of course teasing me with erotic ideas was a fun game for him and it was turning me on. No one has ever really turned me on let alone used words to seduce my mind and my body. So…one thing led to another…and another led to our little sweet in the trailer. Laying there pressed together feeling nothing but skin, looking into each other’s eyes and into each other’s hearts. Teasing one another with sweet kisses and whispers, being passionate became inevitable, and even though it went against everything I said, I wanted him more than anything. Kissing him is out of this world and I began to feel how sensual he is. His tongue gently brushing against mine, the weight of his body on top of me, his erection pressed against my pelvis. One hand on my rib cage the other clasped with mine as if I was restrained. He followed the crease of muscles in my stomach down to my hips, his strong hand squeezing the inside of my hip sending an incredible sensation through my body. I suddenly became hot and my breathing accelerated. I rolled him over and continued to caress his lips with mine. My hands exploring his body, learning every divot and crease. I then began to kiss his neck and ears, then back to his lips again.
Slowly I used my mouth to walk down his chest making sure to take my time, to build suspense. Then gently running my fingernails down his side, I slid his penis into my mouth being very careful not to use teeth. I wrapped my hand around the shaft and began to massage the tip with my mouth and tongue. The feeling of pleasuring him was turning me on. I started to become so turned on that my body began to quiver with excitement. He pulled me back up to his lips, rolled me over and pushed up one of my legs. He gently started to play with my clit using his thumb to massage it, and using the rest of his hand for the rest of my vagina. One finger inside of me…. He found my g spot…O god! I wanted to scream but for the sake of Terry’s ears I tried my best to stay quiet. A.J. began asking “You want it?” I was caught off guard never before has someone asked me if I was ready, never before was I important during sex. So…there I went becoming even more turned on and impressed with how he was so emotionally in touch(unlike a lot of people during sex), I could feel how wet I was and let me tell you something…I fucking wanted it. So in reply to his question I moaned softly “Yeah…” Looking into his eyes and smiling. Before I knew it he was inside me and I could feel the pulse of his penis against the walls of my vagina. He is not rough but gentle, yet what he did was unlike anything I’ve ever felt I continued to get wetter and wetter and the thought of someone sitting outside the room possibly hearing us turned me on too. As he continued to thrust himself inside of me, his pelvis was rubbing against my clit. More talking too…I had a really hard time replying and I think sometimes I just didn’t. But he was blowing my mind, he whispered in my ear “God, I wanna cum.” I shut him down, I was not ready, never before had I been to a point of climax and I was excited. So I pushed on his back encouraging him to go harder. Breathing became difficult and being quite was no longer an option. And then it happened, my first orgasm, and the only words I can think to use to describe it are….holy fucking shit.
We laid there for some time complementing one another, my body still quivering, trying to control my breathing, his hand on my stomach; enjoying each other’s beauty and company. We heard the front door open and Terry walked in. Andrew yelled out to him “Where have you been?” “I walked to the store” he said with laughter in his voice. Then with the awkwardness of it all we all busted up, knowing what just happened behind our closed door. We threw on some clothes and went out to smoke. When we came back in A.J. and Terry sat down to vaporize, I went in and laid down onto the cool mattress burying my face in the pillow. I was starting to dream when he crawled into bed and wrapped me in his arms and I had to grab him, just to be sure he was real. In the morning I had to wake up early to go work at the farmers market. Leaving his side was so hard, every second I had between getting ready I was kissing him. When I finally had to leave I felt sad but remembered when I got off I would see him again which broke a smile through the sadness. So I gave him a final kiss and went running out the door. I had to stopped by Gina’s, (my boss at the institute) to drop off George. She invited me to have coffee and a light breakfast and so I did. Telling her my story of A.J. and how he had been sweeping me off my feet. She told me I would work a half day so I could spend more time with him since his stay would be so brief. I hugged her and couldn’t say thank you enough.
It was a slow, long day and we had to throw a birthday party for one of the kids. Between the kids, hot sun, and the alcohol still running through my blood it was a rough day at the Chewelah farmers market. By the time I got off I was extremely fatigued, when I got back to the house the boys were both napping peacefully. I snuck into bed with A.J. laying my head on his chest and pulling his arm over me. He kissed my head and began to rub my arm and suddenly my long, hard day was gone with the summer breeze. We laid there for probably 10 minutes before Terry asked “You ready?” “Is it two already?” A.J. replied his voice still scratchy from his siesta. “Yep!” Terry said more awake than us. “Where are you guys going?” I asked trying not to act concerned. “For an adventure…..wanna come?” A smile broke across my face. “I would love to!” We hopped into Andrew’s car the rear view still placed for our silent conversations. We drove to the upper 20 acre’s and stomped around in the brush, my camera out at every moment possible. Terry was giving us the showing us around, sharing his memories from when he was a child. I could only focus on one thing though and I felt bad…because it wasn’t Terry’s stories. I could hear him but he was muffled. I giggled occasionally to reinsure him I was listening even though I wasn’t. A.J. and I walked hand in hand and a feeling of security came over me. I knew that when we were together he would never let anything or anyone ever harm me. We got back to the car and started to cruise seeing what kind of trouble we could find. With Terry and Andrew in the front of the car chattin’ like a couple of old bags….vaporizing themselves silly, I could not control my laughter. I had not been this happy or had this much fun since I was a child. I was ecstatic to find some real people on this planet.
Our day went on being filled with careless, childish fun. When we got back to the house I walked around the property to take some photos. I was out by the garden capturing the beauty of the sunflowers when A.J. appeared on the screen of my digital. “What are you doing?” I asked with curiosity. “Just watching you do your thing.” He said smiling, his face glowing from the sunset. He followed me around the garden a row of flowers separating us. Every time I saw his face through the leaves I couldn’t help but smile. His crystal blue eyes glistening in the sun and his square jaw line created a define shadow on his neck. As we walked I observed him, not his physical attributes although they were flawless, but his spirit. He was so free and happy, and I only wish I could be more like him. We met at the end of the row, instantly embracing. Again, he looked straight through my eyes into me and this time I allowed it, I stared straight back through his, dreaming of reading his thoughts. He pulled me closer, called me beautiful and pressed his lips against mine, leaving me breathless and weak. Then from across the lawn we were called for dinner. As we were walking back his hands grazed my hips and he pulled me tight up to the front of his body, kissing my neck and face. We stood there in amazement at the amber glow of the sunset, and after a few minutes we went in to feast on our amazing home cooked meal, prepared by gracious hosts.
The 3 days after were amazing, hiking, exploring, trips to the city, it was perfect I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend our time together. For when I was with him I was happy with everything we did, just to be surrounded by him was all I needed. On Saturday we decided to go into Spokane. About an hour long drive, I sat in the back, just listening to the sound of his voice, performing some of his new songs to beats he created. His music is so inspiring, it has real emotions behind it, stories of his life and just to listen to his music allows me to learn more about him. We got into the city and decided to head to the mall to look for music, which was quite a treat for me since I had been living out in the boondocks for going on 2 months and hadn’t seen a lot of civilization. Walking through the stores, clothes brushing against us, skipping around and being loud made me feel so young, it kind of took me back to my days of being a mall rat. The mall did not have any music stores so back into the car to continue our search. Now I have this key, a very special key that has been hung around my neck for 8 or 9 months. It came from an ex but it’s not what u think, this was not a gift. When me and my boyfriend of four years broke up he threw a laundry basket full of my things out of his truck and on to the drive way. Later that day going through it I found a set of keys…that didn’t belong to me but I decided to put one on saying “He gave me back the key to my heart and I will never give it away again!” laughing at myself, I continued my search. And up until 3 weeks ago it was still there. It felt like a magnet to his heart, wanting to stay behind and so I hung it from his rearview.
When we got back, I decided I needed to just go for a walk to review the thoughts cluttering my mind. When I got back I noticed everything was a little out of order so I grabbed my book and started flipping through it. I found a page scribbled with blue and yellow colored pencil and small lettering formed into a paragraph, I plopped myself on to the bed and began to read but was abruptly interrupted by him jumping on me and telling me I can’t read it until after he left. I closed it and threw it back with the rest of my belongings. On Sunday I had to go home to regroup my life. Before I left he told me I could read his letter. When I got home that was the first thing I did. I crawled up onto my bed and pulled it out of a bundle of laundry.
This is what I read:
It seems funny when in the midst of life after we fall to find someone who can change it all. The way we think the way we see and the way we can. Except one thing is the major plan. But you give me life, and shed me of darkness and push forward light, a frequency lifts me higher than high, much farther than space much farther than sight. A clear opening unclouded and judgeless has me thinking about where our type of love sits, you make me love sick the hardest addiction, when I hold you close an image filled infliction hits me harder than a sail boat that sits in a windless ocean. I’m stranded within, alone and courage less but I know that when I’m there, or on the phone you give me strength that surges like the tides from the moon. You give me polarity right into you.
A.J.
My eyes became wet and a smile broke across my face. How did I come to find him? Or more so; Why did he call me that day? His words running through my mind the whole drive back, trying to understand why I have had such an impact on his life. For I am only a girl and we have known each other for such a short amount of time, how is it he already has such strong feelings for me and I for him. I think this is one of those love at first sight things, but a little different since it all started with a phone call. Pulling into the driveway I see him and he starts coming my way. I jump out of my car and kiss him first thing. At this point there is nothing I could say to measure up to what I just read.
He left on a Tuesday, of course my only other day out of the week I worked, and it was a full day, 9 to 5. He told me he would come to say good bye, the thought of him leaving put me in a sour mood. He also said I had left some of my things, including a key and he wanted to be sure, that I was sure I wanted him to have it. I told him “I would have never given it to you, if that was not the case.” When he showed up I was elated, but falling apart because I knew I had to say goodbye. I walked out the door dragging my feet trying to slow down time and already he had a sorrowful look on his face that made me want to cry. This time we had together was extra ordinary, and I was not ready to see him go. We sat on the bumper of my car and shared a cigarette. I think at this point we both needed the high of the nicotine to lighten our spirits, exchanging the memories we had made throughout the week. I reached up around his neck and was surprised to find he was wearing the key. The whole time I was fighting back tears, and I knew I had to be strong for him. For we both know that the goodbyes would be few but the time we have to spend apart is long. After dragging out our cigarette as long as possible, I knew it was time for him to go and I clasped his shirt and pulled him close. Kissing him with all I had trying to keep a light heart. I grabbed the key around his neck telling him to take good care of it. After all it was the key to my heart. Our hands fell and told him that I hate saying goodbye. We kissed and I just started backing away. My face scrunched trying again to fight back my tears. “See you soon” I said my voice trembling. “Yes you will.” He said assuring me that this was true.
To Be continued on chapter 2 at the top of the page.
I like your tone. It suits you very well. I don’t know if I’d like you without it. lol I am definitely going to check out that Vodu of Quantum Leap. That is right up my alley( of death ) I took an online class on quantum Mechanics. What got me interested was this documentary called What The Bleep Do We Know. ( its a corny title but it is really good. ) Well its a little cheesy too. The information was great though.
